They Try to Make Me Go to Rehab, and I Said, Yes, Yes, Yes

Hey, I’m Brie, and I’m an alcoholic.  A drug addict.  An anorexic.  A Shopoholic.  A Masochist.  A piece of work.  Labelled a "Lifer" of the vicious and pernicious disease of addiction.

You may know or remember me from a blog I used to author and that was quite popular, Blogxygen, which chronicled my recovery from anorexia.  My therapist, while in rehab, asked me to share the nitty gritty of my addiction to alcohol, benzos, and opiates - and in doing so, to share with the world to let all of you know - whether you’re addicted to crack or heroine - or maybe just addicted to hating yourself - that there is hope.  And that there is a different way.

I had to think about this whole new blog thing, for awhile.  I mean, you all learned way too much about me whilst I chronicled my battle of feeding tubes, weight gain and loss, and intensive out patient for the eating disorder.  To essentially, with this blog, say, Yo!  Look guys!  I recovered from my ED, and decided to pick up this nifty drug and alcohol addiction to replace it that nearly killed me and almost took away everything in my life that I hold dear, so come on over to ye olde blog to watch this new train wreck!

All aboard!

Ugh.   *Eye roll.*

My therapist is pretty wise, though-- when I decide to not act like a petulant little whiner, and try to convince myself that my easier, softer way, will work -- and believes that maybe sharing my story will help me, sure - but mostly, you.  And that is where all of my reservations slip away, my fear is quashed, and my guard lets down: I have lived in horror and humiliation and shame and darkness and isolation in my addiction, and it is the worst hell I have ever lived.  My story, I hope, will bring light to the dark corners of your addiction, will be an invitation to come in from the cold.  Because there is always a warm place to rest your weary head.

My story isn’t pretty, nor is it stereotypical - be aware of that.  I went into residential treatment for 45 days, where I got to know dozens of women that our society has written off: drug dealers, thieves, felons, frauds, prostitutes, hopeless cases.  Women, mothers, beautiful warriors.  Brave, resilient.  My best friends.  My story is unique to that of all the women I was with, yet it is all the same - it is a story of pain, and loneliness, and shame, and desperation.  Of overcoming.  Of forgiving.  Of rebuilding.  Of discovering.  Of freaking conquering.

Keep reading.  There is something strange - yet so magical - when someone with a shameful secret decides to not make it a secret anymore - and thus, the shame slips away.  My story is so many things, and makes me feel many things, but shame will no longer be one of them.

So, yeah, I’m Brie, and I’m an alcoholic and all of those other addictions; blah blah blah.  But I’m also resilient.  And funny.  Pretty much fudging awesome.  (That’s another thing…I’m trying not to swear so much, so you will likely read the words fudge or fark a lot - just go with it.)  And, despite my whole track record of collecting addictions and/or self-destructive behaviors like that creepy 30-something-single-white-male who collects My Little Pony, my words still matter, and have merit.

Sober and So Brie is a place to know you’re not alone - no matter the pain or secrets you hold.  Sober and So Brie will be a place you can laugh in, and feel safe, no matter how fleeting.  Sober and So Brie will offer solutions rather than reasons to use, or permission to feel sorry for yourself and to stay high as a kite.  We are alcoholics and addicts, and we have done much wrong, but we are not cast-offs.  We are smart and worthwhile and we have so much to give the world.  This is the story of just one woman, trying to do just that.